There were times when I had asked Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta‘ala), “Why me and why not them? Why do I have all this comfort in my life, while others are struggling to get by? Oh Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta‘ala), here I’am surrounded by so many loved ones, yet there are those out there whom have no one to turn to! Oh Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta‘ala), here I’am in good health, yet there are those in so much pain! Oh Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta‘ala), please help me to understand this, how could this be fair?”
But then, I would remind myself that with every hardship comes ease…and this was my ease after many hardships.
My life is full of so much light only because I lived a life full of so much darkness. How could I forget the moments of when I wanted to jump out of this world to avoid the pain? How could I forget that every day was a struggle to keep going, keep breathing, keep moving, keep being. Because it was a struggle. Majority of my past was. But this…this is why Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta‘ala) kept me alive: so I would know how it feels to be free after being tied down by disappointments in my previous years. Yes, this is my ease after many hardships.
I have to remind myself that perhaps there are others out there that do not have the comforts of this world, but they do have hardships that will bring them closer to Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta‘ala). These very hardships that they will be rewarded for, if not in this life then surely in the hereafter. The ease of this life is nothing compared to the ease and rewards of Jannah. I must remember that, we must all remember that.
Even after coming out the darkness, I was afraid of being surrounded by the shadows of those times, thus I was making it difficult for myself to enjoy life….
One such example is when I was pregnant with each of my children, for I was so scared of losing my unborn children- or even worse, dying while giving birth. But, you see, I look back and realize that there was no need to be scared…why?…because everything is under the control of Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta‘ala). If Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta‘ala) wanted to take my unborn children away from me, then it would have been to protect them from the evils of this world. If Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta‘ala) wanted to take my life during the times of childbirth, then it was because HE would have wanted me to leave this world as a martyr:
The Prophet Muhammad ṣallallāhu ‘alayhi wa sallam (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “The woman who dies in pregnancy or childbirth is a martyr,” narrated by Abu Dawood, 3111; classed as saheeh by al-Nawawi inSharh Muslim, 13/62.
Subhan’Allah! Saving a child from the evils of this world, and dying as a martyr- are these not blessings from the one and only?! Alhumdulillah, I’m no longer afraid of what will come next, for I know that Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta‘ala) will give me a life that is tailored to my needs, a life that I will benefit from, and life that will bring me content knowing that it is given and can be taken away from the one and only, Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta‘ala). Alhumdulillah for everything!
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